Letters To You

The love of my life,

No words can begin to describe how I feel about myself; Upset, mad, angry, guilty, devastated. I don't know. And I am certain whatever it is that I'm feeling inside, you're feeling it 10 times more. I don't know how we got here, I definitely don't know why. Was it because I was taking you for granted? Or simply because I wasn't playing my part right.

It hurts me when I look at you through this screen, and I ask myself why you're not the person I fell in love with. Why?

Did you change?

Did I change?

Why did we change?

You know what, I think the only reason why you're always treating me like shit is because your feelings for me are almost all gone.

This seems to be the biggest battle I've ever had to endure. It's a battle between me and my mind. Everytime I tell myself it will all go away, my mind brings me back to where I started. I hate feeling like this. Because I know for a fact, you're exactly the same person.

So what if I've asked you that for 5 times already? Why do you have to get angry? Couldn't you spare me a smile and just give me the same answer you gave for the past 5 times. I would do that for you. I would still answer you with the same tone, and the same answer. Even if you've asked me for a hundred times.

Forgive me for the words I've left unspoken, for the questions I've left unanswered, for the love I've left abandoned.

Where am I right now in your mind? Am I even there anymore?

This is not me. Believe me when I say this because it hurts me to see myself hurting you.

Still loving you,

Always, all ways.