Stay. Stay. Stay.

To be honest, things haven't been at all perfect for the both of us. People told me it was distance, but now that we're so physically close to each other, our sand castle seems to be falling down nonetheless. I admit, it was me who's been pulling back and it was me who made such a huge deal about the most unreasonable matters. And it was definitely my indecisive mind that has been haunting his nights.

If only a part of me could see how hopeful his heart is and how he longs for what we used to have. If only I could shut my eyes and everything between us would enlighten, and we'd be whole again. If only, Sayang. If only I wasn't made to be such a selfish being.

Some days I look at you and my head wonders who is it, really, that I'm looking at. Some days I see myself being married to you, spending my life with you. Some days your words grow more pointless and our conversations become empty. Then those days just turn into questions, that I can never bring myself to answer.

Do I still love him? Will I devote myself to him? Is it him I choose to stay loyal to? Is he the one I want by me through my years ahead? I don't know. Something, somewhere has gotten into me and it somehow managed to put my plans in such a mess. Nothing is clear anymore. I don't even know what I want anymore.

How is this possible? He used to be my everything. I would do anything for him. Now, I can't even bring myself down the pedestal to spare him a nice conversation in the car. My words get more harsh day by day. My treatment towards him grow cold, as I watch him swallow every inch of pain down his throat. After all these time, how could he possibly look at me the exact same way? I hate feeling like this. I hate how I would let myself take him for granted.

I pray to God, and I will pray hard for us to make it through. I love you. And though at times I don't tell you anymore, I still do. And I think about you every passing moment, everyday. I still crave for your voice at night, Eddy. I still long for your touch, how the skin of your fingers run perfectly between mine. I still tell my friends about you. I still wear your ring. I still choose to stay even when I could feel us falling. We'll fall together, ok? No matter where life decide to bring us, lets stay together. Let us build a home together and watch our kids grow together.

Let's start over? You and Me and nothing else should matter. Through thick and thin right? And everything in between?

Let's start fresh. Let's give way to the new beginning of our new chapter. 010111 brought us together, 010112 expects us to fight for each other. And fight we will. I will. I promise. I'm still very much in love with you, I know I am. Just help me find it in me so we could be us again. I love you Eddy. I love you so much. No one could ever replace you.